It is 5:46 a.m. and I am watching Full House on the only channel I can find that isn't an infomercial. A Boy Meets World Marathon is starting in fifteen minutes. I dropped David off at the airport this morning so he could attend a conference. He won't be back until Sunday night--we are going to be apart for five days.It isn't like he has gone off to war or into a space shuttle headed toward the moon (and thank goodness, because the recent film Moon, the one starring Samuel Rockwell, has frightened me away from space travel for good, holy moly Moses Nancy), but the thing is, David and I have never spent one night away from each other since we were married last August.
I'm surprised that I'm feeling such separation anxiety because I used to love it when all my roommates would go out of town and I'd get the apartment to myself. It isn't that I disliked my roommates being around, but there is just something magical about watching whatever I want on TV whenever I want while eating macaroni and cheese out of the pot with a wooden spoon.
But somehow I have lost my ability to be by myself. There's Blue Bell ice cream in the fridge, homemade pizza leftovers waiting to be picked at, Lonesome Dove just showed up yesterday via Netflix, and I am only about halfway through the Super Nintendo game Secret of Mana. But do I really want to watch Lonesome Dove without Davie? Would beating the Secret of Mana really be the same without David there to watch me cream the final bosses?
I also have an annotated bibliography to finish, three final essays to begin, a presentation to compose, two books to read before next Wednesday (not to mention a thousand other critical essays to read and summarize), and about 12 hours worth of grading to have done before Saturday. But can I really accomplish all that when I'm so distracted by David's absence? Not only have we never spent a night away from each other, but I've only been home by myself for less than a few hours at a time, and only rarely. Since we've always had the same work schedules at the same school, we've always left the house together and come home together. It makes sense that this brief separation should be healthy because I obviously need to cope with time on my own, but five days? With no training wheels first?
In true Kevin-McAllister-style, first I'm going to get freaked out by the heater (this is not a joke), then I'm going to watch this Boy Meets World marathon until I fall back asleep (Mr. Feenie just got stood up on his date, and is feeling lonely, too), then I'll find a renewed sort of independence at which point I will shoplift a toothbrush and booby-trap my house to protect my own turf. After the creepy old man across the street unhooks me from the back of the neighbor's door, I will wake up Sunday morning to a fresh snowfall just as David steps out of John Candy's Polka van.
Maybe I'll even put on some of Dave's aftershave and scream into the camera a few times. (But in an adorable way, not, like, a weird way.)
7 comments:
I remember the first time I stayed a night away after I got married. It totally totally sucked. If it makes you feel less alone - I have been watching Full House and thinking of you nonstop when I see Uncle Joey. It still blows my mind.
I hate it when Sherry and the boys leave me for, say, a visit to Utah. I always think, well, this won't be fun, but I'll get a lot done. Not true. I lose all ambition and end up wasting a lot of time. Very strange!
My first night away from Andrew was also my first night staying in a hotel all by myself (I was flying home but had an overnight layover). I felt like the hotel receptionist looked at me like the cashier looked at Kevin--where are your parents? (didn't matter I was 25 ha ha)
The solace is that the seconds drag on but somehow the days fly by. Don't know how that works, but I never was that good at quantum physics. The first time Ben was gone after we were married, I spent the entire time resenting him for leaving. Sure, it was a valid excuse and sure I told him I supported him going. But I just stayed mad at him the whole time. Big mistake. Second time he went somewhere I instead decided that I was going to do a service project for him. I don't even remember what I did -- maybe organized his ties or polished his shoes? Something. Anyhow, I got started and found I could actually be productive when I was doing something for him. And suddenly the whole apartment was clean and I was in a better mood. So, if those papers aren't being graded anyhow ...
P.S. My word verification is zoorna. That reminds me that another way you could fill the time is by going to the zoo and testing the genetics of the animals there. You know, just for funsies.
ha ha I love Jade's advice to go test the genetics of Zoo animals. It's been nine years, and I'm still distracted with separation anxiety. The only thing that really works is spirituality, which is awful because I so often fail miserably in that department. So cowgirl up and watch Lonesome Dove. (My word was "mastest"; I love that word--as in we're being massively tested for courage in times of distraction? Or masses are tested for genetic defects?)
You are almost done! I hope you are hanging in there okay. Just think - one good thing about being separated is reuniting!
Ha, thank Jen, and everyone. It is good to hear to hear everyone's stories.
I haven't exactly been really productive while David has been gone, but I have managed to run some errands and drive places I've never driven to by myself until now.
It is pretty boring without David, though, I have to admit. There was no one to tease me this morning when I watched Julie and Julia and cried at all the sad parts. And the funny parts. Basically any part when Meryl Streep was on the screen.
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