Best Christmas Present Ever

Today was a good Christmas. In the words of my father this morning, when he was trying to quote Forrest Gump to express his Christmas joy: "Just like mother used to say, 'Every cookie has it's secret flavor'." So close, Nick, so close. And today's cookie's secret flavor: sweet, sweet divinity.

You people that read this blog realize that I have a horrible nerdy obsession about a particular nostalgic computer game from my past. I listen to the old tinny soundtrack on my iPod, I still have computer passwords that derive from the various inside jokes and characters, I still follow online forums of fellow fans and enthusiasts. And I will be a three-headed monkey's aunt and uncle if Darren Michael Edwards of Logan, UT, did not miraculously find an obscure version that works on Mac OS X and wrap it up for me as a Christmas present. He must have sold his soul to the devil himself. I have looked for years. Years, I tell you. Everyone version I tried was bunk, required ClassicMac, crashed upon download.

Darren wasn't here when I opened my gift. My family watched as I opened it--we all figured it was some kind of mix cd (and I wouldn't have complained). When we realized Darren found me Monkey Island I and II, Amanda and William and I yelped, then immediately expected the worst. We had been here before. Like I said, no version had worked for us before. But we all praised Darren for his thoughtfulness and his keen observations of my more cultish interests.

We opened up the zip files. First we tried out The Secret of Monkey Island. Tears crept into my eyes as I saw this all-familiar sight and heard the opening credits music start up. Magically.


It was too good to be true. When will the music start to stutter and trip upon itself? When would the screen freeze and my computer take on some kind of ungodly virus? Surely I won't be able to move Guybrush around the screen and play the game like I once did.


It's totally play-able. And it goes full-screen. I don't think it's possible to have any saved games, but Guybrush can't die and the program is so small it doesn't slow anything down if I have to keep it running for the few days it'll take me to beat it as a procrastination device.


I feel like it's Christmas 1993, when I first got Monkey Island II and played it all night in the computer room that is now my mom's "Blue Room." I think I had a bowl of Fritos and a glass of water and a big blanket around my feet. 7th grade. Monkey Island had been the year before. Those were awkward years. I really had made a friend with dorky Guybrush who wanted to be a pirate but looked more like a flooring inspector.


This game has such wit, such charm, such adventure. I am who I am today because of this game. It's so silly and smart. And it taught me words like "grog" and "parley" and "vichyssoise." When I had no friends at school and my English teacher had to talk to me after class because my school report rough draft on the Loch Ness Monster couldn't be graded because I didn't put any spaces between my words when I handwrote it, I knew I could come home and laugh with my good friends pixelated and non-judging on my Apple Macintosh computer.

Humor me on posting all of these stills. I haven't even had the time to really play into these games yet and I'm sure there will be posts to come as I reach my favorite parts of these games. Darren says he also has Sam & Max and the Day of the Tentacle which is another LucasArts adventure game that I have not yet had the pleasure of making more than an acquaintance with. Darren, beer me that copy SOON!

Monkey Island II: LeChuck's Revenge. Guybrush gets sarcastic and snarky and grows a beard and brown hair. But deep down, he is still the naive, innocent wide-eyed boy I knew and loved from the 1989 game. This character is so endearing. If any of you have played Monkey Islands III & IV......they don't have anything on the original games. III and IV kill the series. They have their moments, but true Monkey Island fans know that the first two games carry the true spirit of Guybrush. And Elaine. And the rubber chicken with the pulley in the middle.





I know Christmas is so much more than presents and material goods. But this present transcends materialism. You'd think the reality of the game wouldn't live up to my fond memories of it--but I've been surprised. It's still great. I am still completely entertained and at home. So whatever it's worth, Darren, thank you a thousand times over for paying attention to my longwinded stories about my irretrievable youth and tracking down this game of my soul. My brother and sister thank you as well. I owe you one. I owe you twelve. I'm forever indebted. Why aren't you here so I can thank you in person?! My presents are going to seem crap in comparison.......yeargh.

Ah, Monkey Island..........reunited at long last! Somebody pinch me.

Note 1: I just figured out how to save and load games. I am unstoppable now.

Note 2: I realize that this version is undoubtedly at least partially pirated. My only excuse is that everything I know about pirating, pillaging, and plundering came from repeated playings of Monkey Island I and II.

Subnote: Ron Gilbert, if ye be reading this blog post and are supremely upset with me playing a pirated version of your beloved classic, please contact me via the commenting place below and I will be more than glad to shake your hand and send you up to fifty bucks American cash.