What am I doing in Casablanca, man?

Somebody was talking to me about catharses and what they're good for. I said they were good for clearing the stage of people at the end of Shakespeare's tragedies. But in retrospect, I think catharses breed people instead of chasing them away. These past 72 hours have illuminated a lot of pain from my friends that I haven't noticed because I've been so muddled up and reigned into my own selfish hands as I've tried to fingergrab any last remnants of something dead because I can't face losses, I can't let go. And all I see is what I'm grabbing for. I don't even notice whether or not or how it even wants to be grabbed...maybe it wouldn't be so difficult if I was only supposed to walk alongside it after all. Like trying to push a horse. A real mule-headed horse.

In any case, my hands are free. I should have gone rock climbing today because I'm fat from eating cake and I go out on the trail tomorrow, but I don't trust my fingers yet. I heard from old friends this week, good friends, some here some there and they were all hurting. Not desperately or disgustingly, but when they spoke I felt it in their voices and saw it in their eyes....I had good conversations these past few days about life and goodness and light and friendship. I learned about fights these friends were fighting that I had been completely oblivious to. I confided all my guts to my mom and she not only held them there so gently and forgivingly, she even brushed them off a bit and showed me some of her guts and how they healed up real nice just like mine would. So forgive me for throwing temper tantrums (which anybody real close to me has been privy to countlessly) and forgive me for trying to sound profound here. I just wanted to declare hope for the children and light in the distance and chocolate sundaes in heaven. I connected with people in the most raw ways and I feel clean and washed out from it. Today is a good day. Today is beautiful in Arizona and I wish all of you in the cold states could feel the summer in my parking lot. It is a good day.